By the Apple Tree
by unicornsandrainbowsparklez
Summary: Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester were childhood friends. Destiel Dean Winchester / Castiel Novak One Shot [Slight Fluff] (Rated T for slight swearing) Written in the perspective of Castiel and the Narrator. It switches.


_By the apple tree we had always played. _

_Laughing in the sun and laughing in the rain,_

_By the apple tree we remained. _

I was born in happier times with a loving mother and a father. We lived in a house with two floors, a white picketed fence and a garden with a swing set in the backyard. We lived in the suburbs where it was safe to walk around late at night alone. I liked it there.

I had always remembered the sun beaming on my face, it was always sunny there. The sun was never shy and the sky was blue but I had always liked it when it rained. I snuck out of my room to splash in the garden where pools of water would form. I liked the feeling of rain on my skin and how it seemed to wash away anything I didn't want to feel though I would always get caught and yelled at by my parents.

I was a sickly child, never healthy though I did the best I could. I went to school with the other kids, rode bikes and on rare occasions went camping but there were times where I would fall ill and there wasn't anything that could be done.

I remembered when I first met him, it was a school day and everyone else was in school. I was in bed, sick and pale with fever though it had gotten better than yesterday. My mother I was allowed outside to sit on the swing while my mother made chicken soup.

I looked up from the grass to meet green eyes that matched the grass by my feet and jumped slightly. I didn't recognise the boy even though I knew everyone. The boy gave me a smile, "Hey."

I returned the smile. "Hi."

"Why aren't you in school?" he said leaning over the fence while I told him why. I thought he would ask me further questions but he didn't, he just gave me that half grin before looking behind me.

"Wanna go play?"

"I'm not allowed…"

"Come on, I'm bored as hell and my baby brother's still asleep. I found a cool park, wanna go check it out?" he said. I notice his face filled with excitement, I didn't want to let him down. I never wanted to let anyone down.

"Um… Okay but only for a while." I said and hopped off the swing and climbed over the fence and walked through the trees with this unfamiliar boy. He was very different from me I noticed, much taller and had that laugh that I was sure had gotten him a lot of points with the girls along with that half grin he always had on his face. His green eyes were so vibrant and always seem to be glowing with excitement.

We eventually found the park he was talking about, we had walked a long way and my feet had started to ache. I brushed the leaves from my hair and shoulders, it was a pretty park but it looked like it wasn't used for years.

The metal had started to rust and grasses were growing but there was some sort of beauty with the place that I fell in love. The sunlight wasn't too strong, even though it was a sunny hot day but soft sunlight filtered through the layers of leaves towering on top of trees.

"It's pretty cool huh?"

I looked at the boy his smirk face glowed with pride while I nodded and we walked around, admiring the beauty of this abandoned park. We played for a while even though the equipment moaned with age but we didn't really care. We hung around the apple tree for a while, climb around and hanging off the branches like monkeys. He was much better than me at climbing which made me jealous in which he responded by throwing an apple at me.

He took a bite out of the apple and spoke with his mouth full. "I'm Dean by the way."

"Castiel Novak. Nice to meet you Dean."

"You too Cassie."

"Don't call me that."

"Alright Cas."

I got in trouble when I came home but I didn't really care. I went up to my room and read a book like I always did. I wondered when I would see Dean again or if I would even see him again but soon I was too tired to open my eyes and I fell asleep.

I went to school a few days after only to be greeted by a familiar face, Dean who was a new student and was placed in my class. I couldn't' have been happier and after that we were basically inseparable. His family had just moved here a week ago, his father, mother and younger brother Sam who Dean loved to embarrassed the school hallways. Sam would get flustered and chase after Dean which Dean would respond by grabbing my hand and running away from his oh-so-scary younger brother.

It was always Dean and Cas. We were a team, pulling pranks and exploring the forest hoping to find something interesting. Playing hunters and pretending to be superheroes. It was what I wanted to be, I wanted to be someone that could save lives, that way I could be special. Dean laughed.

"You don't need to save lives to be special. You're already special Cas."

As the years went by we didn't see each other very much. I was more interested in going to a good university so I studied, sometimes with Sam but Dean was more interested in the wild parties and girls. He always had gotten the girls no problem. He had grown up so much, he was taller and more muscular but his eyes always had those same childish gleam and full of mischief.

We said hi in the hallways but nothing much but behind those quick glances I knew we were still close. It was the summer; I had graduated and was going to university in New York. My room was packed up in boxes, all the posters that decorated my walls for so many years were now taken down and I was left with a bare and empty room.

I jumped when I heard a knock on the windows- Green eyes and messy brown hair. Dean Winchester.

I opened the window but he didn't come in, he never did.

"Dean, what are you doing here?"

He grinned. "Visiting my old Cassie before he goes off and become some fancy university student. Come on, let's go."

"Where exactly are we going?"

"Where else? Oh and bring that book that Sammy gave you for your birthday last year."

We made our way through the forest and when we came through the clearing I stood, shocked by the appearance of the old park that I remembered from before. There were no more rusted equipment but they were brightly coloured and freshly painted. The grass was trimmed and small flowers had even started to grow.

"You like it? I thought you would."

I turned to Dean in shock, "You did this? Why?"

He didn't answer me but walked towards the apple tree that we always played at when we were younger making up silly games pretending to be hunters and running around chasing each other. He sat down and patted the grass for me to sit which I did.

"Can you read it to me?"

"Why? This is random Dean."

"I'd rather listen than read."

So I read, my voice breaking the silence, flipping through the book that Sam had gotten for me for my birthday_ A Farewell to Arms. _Dean was slowly falling asleep I could tell, he leaned on my shoulder and I could feel him breathing he let out a sigh before I stop.

"Dean. Why? I don't understand, what is all this for?"

"Just shut up and read Cas."

And so I did.

Cas sighed sitting in a crappy room he called home. It was one room with a kitchen and a bathroom/toilet, he slept in his dining room and his living room but it didn't matter. His room was always filled with books anyway, stacked almost as high as the ceiling and the old mattress in the corner of the room.

University was fun, Castiel went to several party, went on a few dates but never anything serious. He wasn't interested in the girls even though the girls were often interested in him. They were drawn to his innocence something they didn't see much in the boys at university but he rejected them and stuck his nose in his books.

He heard the phone ring which he went to pick it up, "Hello, Castiel here."

"Hey Cas, have you seen Dean?"

Castiel heard worry in Sam's voice, he had talked to Sam several times but not Dean. He thought about him but never spoke or gotten a letter to him.

"I'm sorry Sam… I haven't heard from Dean in two years… What's wrong?"

"I-It's nothing… if you see him call me okay? Thanks. Bye."

Cas looked at the phone in confusion before trying to concentrate on his book again but his efforts were in vain. His mind was plagued with thoughts of Dean, where was he? Was he alright? He hadn't seen the green eyed boy even when he went home for summer but he visited the park with the apple tree and it was like new, grass neatly trimmed and fresh paint.

Cas jumped when he heard a knock on the door, he walked quickly to open it surprised to see a man who had fallen in his arms drenched from the heavy rain.

"Oh God, Dean? Dean? Are you okay?"

Dean didn't say a word so Cas kicked the door closed and propped the man so he was standing straight, "Dean answer me!"

His green eyes met his, Cas gasped, his face tired and pale and his eyes looked soul less. Not full of happiness as it once was. Dean didn't say anything, he just drank the warm water that Cas gave him and looked at his friend's blue eyes, "Cas… Come here."

Cas sat on the floor with Dean, leaning against the old sofa that he collected from the junkyard. Dean didn't say anything but in a swift movement he hugged him. Cas didn't know how to react but soon found his arms holding his friend as he sobbed, he was trying not to but as soon as Cas put his arm around Dean he couldn't control it anymore. He cried like he had never done before, Cas didn't say anything but hugged him, taking in the smell of his friend- it smelled like rain and dust but it didn't matter.

"Cas… Everything… Everything is all wrong…"

"Dean… Talk to me…"

"My mother… She died Cas and my father… he's gone mad… Drinking all day… I don't know what to do anymore… I didn't know who… who to go to…"

"Dean… It'll be okay… It'll be okay…"

Cas had looked after Dean that day and he skipped school. They didn't say much but Cas sat by Dean and read to him like he did the last time they met. Dean didn't say anything but listened to Cas's voice. He had always loved his voice; he found being around Cas made him calmer.

"Hey Cas."

"Hm?"

Dean looked up from the floor and into the blue eyes of Castiel Novak, "The ocean, it reminds me of your eyes."

Cas let out a small laugh, "Dean, you are so random but thank you."

Dean was quiet for a while. "Hey Cas?"

"Hm?"

"Happy Birthday."

"Thanks Dean."

Dean left after that day but he had promised Cas he would visit and Cas went on with his life. He continued school, he had a job and even a girlfriend but he felt that something was missing. He wasn't sure if this was the life he wanted, this routine, this mundane life where he would get married, have children and live in a white picketed fence like in his childhood. But Dean always kept his promise, he visited but when he did they would go on an adventure. Mortocycle rides around New York, weaving in and out of traffic, all night rampage of drinking and finally sneak into locked buildings. When Cas was with Dean, nothing was ever ordinary he did whatever he wanted we made up a nickname for ourselves.

_Team Free Will_

I liked it. "Should we ask Sam to join?"

"Cas, this isn't a real thing you know?"

Cas pouted. "I know but still, it's still nice to pretend."

"Okay, Sammy can join. I'll be the brawn and you guys are the brains." He said, swinging his legs as he sat on the edge of the roof of my apartment I let out a laugh and looked at Dean. The moon seemed to make his eyes shine more, he was back to the same old Dean, the one who made jokes and pulled pranks, the Wilder part of the Winchester brothers.

Cas had never asked Dean about his mother and how she passed, he couldn't as Sam either. They loved their mother very much and he didn't want to pry. He liked how Dean was now and he wanted Dean to stay this way forever.

"Oh yeah, to answer your question from years ago, I cleaned that park for you. I missed so many of your goddamn birthdays, thought I'd do something special." He said before taking a sip of his beer. I smiled, Dean was always like that, so cryptic with his actions but I patted his shoulder.

"Thanks Dean. You know, I still go back there all the time, every year."

"Really?" He said surprised and I nodded. He got up sharply and pulled me up, "Let's go then."

"What now? I can't!"

"Of course you can? Are you dying? No. Come on."

They raced down the stairs and jumped on his motorcycle and sped down the streets with a roar that sounded like a lion's. Cas had loved being on the motorcycle, the rush in his hair and the wind nipping on his skin moreover, he liked the smell of Dean. It was always the same, cigarettes and rain. He clung to Dean's back and felt him breath, he liked that and Dean liked it when Cas was close.

He liked it a lot.

They reached the park after a few hours ride and Cas was happy they finally reached. He was getting tired of sitting and it had started to rain. They raced each other to the park like they did when they were children and Cas panted, standing in the clearing in awe of the beauty and ran around in the rain throwing his hands in the air.

"You're such a kid Cas." Dean laughed before taking cover under the apple tree, away from the rain. Cas was still doing his silly dance in the rain which made Dean laugh.

"Why are you hiding from the rain Dean?" Cas asked before pulling Dean into the rain dancing to the sound of thunder and Cas's laughter.

"Hey Cas?"

"What is it?" He asked, but his breath was caught in his throat. Their nose touching and he could smell Dean's cigarette breath against him. Dean's body was close and the warm radiating from it was a contrast to the coldness of the rain.

With a smooth motion, Dean's lips met Cas's - hot against cold, a contrast just like they had always been since they met. Cas felt his knee weaken, his brain being turned into mush. He tried to move his hands but they were still, shaking from what he wasn't sure, it was either the cold or being too nervous. Dean looked at him in his blue eyes before taking his hands, "Are you okay?"

Cas nodded, "Dean… Why?"

"Because… I love you, since the beginning and I always tried to stop myself. This is wrong, we are both men but every damn time I see you… Cas, I swear, You make me fall in love with you all over again. One day, you'll be the death of me."

Cas was silent but leaned in to kiss Dean, "We should go."

Dean looked at his blue eyes, cold, emotionless and misty from the tears. Dean nodded, walking ahead of him without taking his hand.

"Let's bring you home."

Dean left Cas and rode off in the night while Cas went to his apartment and slept. He wasn't sure how long he slept for but every time he woke he was tired again. He still felt Dean's kiss lingering on his lips hot against his cold ones, why was he so cold? He shivered, teeth chattering, he couldn't find anything to warm him not even the heater. Why was he so goddamn cold?

How long has it been since he last showered? But he couldn't find the energy to move; he stumbled and fell to the ground. Why was the room so cold? Why was he so tired? Oh well, he fell asleep on the cold hard floor lost in his dreamless sleep.

He woke up in a dark room, he could barely see anything, he stumbled around trying to find a light switch but the light hurt his eyes. Everything hurt, his eyes, his brain like his body was breaking bit by bit.

_Please pick up… pick up the phone…_

"_You've reached the voicemail box of Dean Winchester please leave a message."_

Cas tried again but nothing and soon he got through, a familiar female voice was like warmth to him and reminded him of home but even that couldn't make him feel better.

"Hi honey!"

"Mum I'm sick."

_Beep… Beep… Beep…_

I hated that sound. That stupid annoying beeping sound but I had heard it too many times when I was younger, always the kid that was hospitalised. The smell was the worse though, it didn't smell like anything but clean and sterile. I listened to the inaudible voices of my parents, gentle pleading turned into anger and anger turned into silence with the exception of a few sobs.

I wanted to be outside, I heard it was raining. I wanted to feel the rain on my skin but instead I'm here in this stupid hospital room. It was the same one I was in when I collapsed 2 weeks before graduation then I realised I wasn't in New York anymore but in the hospital where I spend most of my sickly days.

Why was it still cold?

"Hey… can you turn the heater… up?"

The nurse and turned it up, "Are you better?"

"No… I… I can't breathe… I feel like… I can't breathe… W-What's wrong with me?"

"Cas… we don't know… I'm so sorry…"

I closed my eyes, I couldn't see properly anymore and my head ached. Everything was a blur but I felt warmth in my hands, mother.

"Cas… How are you feeling?"

"Okay." Lies.

"Do you need anything?"

"No." lies.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Lies.

I was lying. My mother knew I was lying. I was never good at it. I don't want to die, I want to be cured. I want to go running in the rain. I want to live. I wanted to have a life. I wanted to see Dean and tell him I was sorry. I wanted him here. I want him to old my hands and tell me everything is going to be okay and that God was forgiving. I wanted God to make me a miracle case, I wanted to be special.

But the truth is, I won't have any of that. I'm going to die alone and scared because God never helped me, never even once through those years where I prayed so hard for me to get better but it never helped. I was always here, in this very same room with the same people by my side. God was not kind. God was not forgiving.

I was left alone, my eyes closed as I felt another pang of pain in my head and another breathless gasp. It was difficult to breathe even with this stupid oxygen mask on. I was angry, angry at myself for being so weak, angry at myself for being sick. I was angry because I wanted to tell Dean that I loved him but I was too scared. The world is not a kind place for those who do not obey the rules.

We were different. The world never accepts that.

I took it off and closed my eyes remembering Dean's lips against mine.

I thought I was always afraid of dying but now I realised that dying wasn't so hard and it wasn't so scary because I had lost everything and dying was easy when I had nothing to lose. I didn't when I feel asleep or if I died.

Everything just turned black and everything was quiet.

I was at my own funeral, is it strange? No one saw me, everyone walked through me crying. I saw myself dead but it looked like I was asleep except I felt cold. I saw my family crying and I saw Sam. The boy grew up so much; he was so much taller than me now. I hugged him but he walked through me as though I was nothing and walked towards my parents.

I wandered around, feeling drawn to the apple tree by the park where I first knew of the name Dean Winchester, where I first kissed him.

I saw him there, reading my worn out copy of A Farewell In Arms in his suit that was wrinkled and wet from the slight drizzled. I walked towards him and stood in front of him, no response.

"Maybe you'll fall in love with me all over again." Dean read from the book. I laughed, that part was always my favourite.

"Hell, I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?"

Dean laughed as though he imagined me reading it, "Yes I want to ruin you."

"Good. That's what I want too."

Dean closed the book and looked up at me, as if he could see me. I plucked an apple from the tree and threw it at his head. He looked at the apple and took a bite from it, "Cas… I love you."

"I love you too Dean."

Dean sniffed got up leaving the book by the apple tree on the branch where they first sat on. Now, he could reach it without a climb. He placed the book hidden away from sight and walked into the drizzle, "I'll leave this to you Cas, I fucking hate reading."


End file.
